Pet Loss & Grief -- Leroy is gone

I learned that Leroy was killed yesterday: hit by a bus after he slipped his harness while out walking with his owner. Leroy, my beloved, trouble-making, utterly irresistible pug client. Client isn't even the right word -- I loved him like crazy. My heart aches. Not for him, but for myself, and for his owners, because we won't have him to cuddle with, talk about, and do stuff with anymore. Because he's dead, just like that.

I wish I could tell my dog that he's gone. She won't know, and for some reason I can't get that out of my head. She loved him, too, and I can't explain to her or give her something to smell that would let her know. I think I just need everyone to *know*. Know that he's gone. Know how much we loved him. Know how much it hurts.

I've lost dogs in my life before. It is incredibly painful, and the grief is sometimes worse if those around you don't understand why the loss of "only a pet" is so devastating. Luckily, I surround myself with other dog people. We understand. We get why it's so horrible each and every time, and also why it's so worth it anyway, to have these creatures in our lives, even for the short time they are here. (Also, here in SF we're lucky to have great resources like the San Francisco SPCA monthly drop-in pet loss support group. Link)

The owners and I were able to talk, cry, and reminisce tonight. Mostly cry. It was cathartic, but of course the grief is still there.

Leroy, you will be sorely missed. I will remember you as you were on our last outing together: we went to the beach at Fort Funston, and you played with the other dogs and ran around for hours, king of all you could see, and got so tired that you fell asleep nestled against my leg on the ride home, snoring, of course.